Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
