just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
