i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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