I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
