you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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