Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
