moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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