thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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