i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
