your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
