here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
