I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
