guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize