planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
