kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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