My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize