Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
