i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
