so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
