I can text with my tongue
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
