hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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