Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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