Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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