I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
