I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
