my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
