I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
