I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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