There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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