You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
