Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
