Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
