I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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