Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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