I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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