Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
