Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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