I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
