So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
