So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
