I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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