aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
