Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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(775): View more from Nevada

god, a vagina is an amazing trump card

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(865): View more from Tennessee

You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.

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(703): View more from Virginia

just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?

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(314): View more from Missouri

It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.

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(725): View more from

well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.

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(406): View more from Montana

I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?

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