just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
