3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
