Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize