YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
