I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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