We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
