guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
