lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
