Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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