my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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