I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
