dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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