i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
