I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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