I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize