You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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