on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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