I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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