Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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