You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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