paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
