just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
