Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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