Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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