i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
