I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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